


Life + Death + Context

by Gretti_writes



Series: Febuwhump 2021 [6]
Category: MacGyver (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst, Comfort, FebuWhump2021, Gen, Insomnia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-18 09:40:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29241459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gretti_writes/pseuds/Gretti_writes
Summary: Riley lay in bed, eyes staring at the ceiling. She couldn’t sleep. She hadn’t been able to sleep for the past four nights, ever since she had returned from that op.
Series: Febuwhump 2021 [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2140011
Comments: 3
Kudos: 25





	Life + Death + Context

**Author's Note:**

> Febuwhump Day 6 Prompt - Insomnia.
> 
> Bit more fluff in this one, get all warm and cosy.
> 
> Beta @Teamimprov

Riley lay in bed, eyes staring at the ceiling. She couldn’t sleep. She hadn’t been able to sleep for the past four nights, ever since she had returned from that op. She had taken a life. Pulled the trigger that had killed someone.

She knows that it was kill or be killed but she can’t get the dead man’s eyes out of her head. The hazel brown eyes so empty and expressionless, like his soul was gone. She doesn’t believe in a heaven and hell, but her mum has always had a spiritual side. Not subscribing to any big religion but always believing there was something there. Riley doesn’t know any more.

Looking across at the clock, she sighs as she reads 1.22am. She’s been lying in bed for two hours and she doesn’t feel remotely sleepy. Tired yes, so tired, but her body just won’t switch off. She gets up, hoping a bit of exercise might trick her body into realising it’s so tired she can actually sleep. Pulling on her running shoes, she heads out the house as quietly as possible. She knows that Mac is a light sleeper and doesn’t want to wake him. He didn’t come out of the mission unscathed, a couple of fractured ribs for his troubles.

45 minutes later, Riley is back and it’s obvious exercise hasn’t helped at all. Frustrated, she goes up the outside steps to the deck and sits by the now cold firepit. Looking out at the LA skyline, she’s at a loss. She doesn’t understand how she’s meant to get past this.

Riley jumps as a figure appears out of the darkness.

‘Sorry Riles, didn’t mean to startle you’. Mac moves across to sit with her, bringing with him two mugs and a blanket. ‘Thought you might like some hot chocolate’.

‘Thanks, I thought you were asleep’.

‘I could say the same thing to you’.

Riley sighs, throws the blanket round both of them and cradles a mug in her hands.

‘Do you want to talk about it?’, Mac asks gently.

‘I don’t know what to say. I just….’ She trails off.

‘This is about the last mission isn’t it. I know you haven’t been sleeping. Have you spoken to Jack?’

‘No. I don’t want to put anything else on him. I already know he’s blaming himself for me having to take the shot in the first place. He thinks he should have been there to protect me’.

‘We all think that Riles’.

‘Well, you need to stop. I’m a grown woman, I can look after myself’, Riley snaps back and then regrets it instantly. She goes to apologise but Mac stops her.

‘Hey, Jack and I know you are more than capable of looking after yourself, but we are always going to worry about you. It’s a family thing – at least that is what Jack would tell me. We never want to see you hurt or upset, just like you and I never want to see Jack hurt or upset. It’s not because we think you aren’t qualified for the job. It’s because we care. We will always care’.

Mac reaches out and puts an arm round her shoulder. Riley leans into the touch.

‘His eyes Mac. That’s all I keep seeing. The guy’s eyes. I know it was me or him. Jack and Matty have said it enough times but… I took a life Mac. I killed someone. I… I don’t know how to live with that’. Riley stops and Mac looks down to see tears silently tracking down her cheeks. He puts down his mug and uses his thumb to gently brush them away.

‘This is going to sound really corny, but you do it one day at a time. You are still Riley Davis. It might feel like you have changed but the you before that mission is still there. You probably won’t believe it but both Jack and I talked to someone after we took our first life’.

Riley looks up at him, surprise in her eyes.

‘See, I told you. It doesn’t have to be a counsellor or someone professional, but you should talk to someone. Someone you trust, who won’t judge you. Learn to make sense of what you did and more importantly why. You didn’t kill that man for the fun of it’. Mac notices as Riley flinches when he says kill and he hugs her a bit tighter. ‘You have to hold on to the context. It was you or him. You, who spends your life stopping the bad guys or the bad guy, planning on blowing up hundreds of innocent people’.

‘I did it because I had to. I didn’t even think. I just… did it’, Riley mumbles from under Mac’s chin.

‘And if you had hesitated, thought about it, you wouldn’t be here right now. I know you think it sucks and it does, but you are still here and for that I’m thankful’.

‘Thanks Mac’.

Riley watches as Mac untangles himself from the blanket.

‘I’m just gonna warm us up a bit’, he says as he lights the fire. Riley’s head is back on his shoulder as soon as he sits down again. They sit there watching the flames in silence.

After a while Mac looks down and notes the soft, regular breathing on his chest. Riley is finally asleep. He gently picks her up, ignoring the ache in his ribs, and tries not to jostle her as they make their way to the sofa indoors. He lays her down and takes a seat by her head. Mac throws the blanket over the both of them and he watches her until he also drifts off.


End file.
